Self-care is saying NO.
When people ask. Say no.
Unless your heart sings YES, say no.
Don’t give excuses. Remove the word “because” from after your NO.
When people are curious, just say no.
One of the best tips I was ever given is to answer the questions you want to answer. Ever notice how a celebrity will answer a question with an unrelated answer. That is by design, not denseness. When someone asks you questions and you don’t want to answer it, don’t know the answer? Answer the question you want to be asked.
What other people think of you is None. Of. Your. Business.
You don’t have to please anyone.
You don’t HAVE to do anything.
So let’s start by saying no and taking care of you.
Say YES if that is what your heart and soul want to scream from the rooftops. Otherwise, say no.
Self-care is taking one day a week to say no to what you don’t need and saying yes to what you want. Around here, we practice Self Care Sunday. It’s pretty powerful. It is a guilt free day. Free to say no. Free to go to the pool for 3 hours, instead of folding laundry, writing the next book, etc. Self-care Sunday is made for flexibility. If it brings joy, schedule it. Otherwise, leave the self-care day free for spontaneity and naps/meditation/face masks.
You may say, HA, that’s great but I have littles. How the fuck do I pull that off with littles? Say no to scheduling extra play dates (unless that gives you relief and less stress). Say no to one more store run. Say yes to your honey’s offer to take the littles on an errand while you take a bath or paint your toenails or drink coffee in silence on the porch. Sometimes with littles, self-care Sunday starts by removing one hideous chore at a time to where eventually you have carved out a pretty nice self-care day.
In my space, we talk about filling the well. Leonie Dawson, wrote a nice blog about her well being dry. and I mean DRY. She is taaaaaaaapped AF. She forgot to fill the well each day, week, hell I think maybe ever. So a little self-care each week, helps us keep the well nice and full. I just got back from North Carolina, where I go annually to put a giant sploosh in my well. So think about it, what fills your well? One drop at a time? Where do you find your mega splooshes of juju?
So once you have your self-care set. Don’t negotiate with the terrorist of self-hate, care thieves, leeches, well dryers. Just say no.
It’s ok. I give you permission. Take the time you need to craft this beautiful art form that is self-care. I dare you.
With mad rad love.